Have you ever had that feeling during a race where you are trying to hang with someone who’s just a little, or a lot, faster than you? I know that feeling. At first everything seems to be going great. Then, the miles seem to stack up like insurmountable mountains, threatening to crush your body and spirit. No matter how hard you’ve trained, or how much you want it, it’s kind of like a slow and tortuous death as you watch that faster runner slowly fade into the distance, making you feel like a failure.
Or maybe you’ve side-eyed someone in the gym to see how much weight she is lifting, and then added a little more onto your bar, only to discover that the weight was too much to carry. Perhaps you’ve seen the mom who seems to have it all perfectly balanced–well behaved and perfectly dressed kids, a full time job, and still time to invest in life-giving hobbies.
There’s always someone faster, someone stronger, someone with more money, a better job, more kids, or less kids. There’s always someone with a nicer car, who’s more successful, goes on better vacations, has better hair, or posts more smiling and serene Facebook pictures than you. There’s always someone _______________, you fill in the blank.
Any time I compare myself with someone real or imagined, I feel like a failure. The reason I say imagined is because oftentimes instead of comparing myself with someone else I see, I compare myself to a perfect version of myself, a Chelsea who has it all together. This Chelsea nails every run, PRs in every race, and still has time and energy to put everyone else in front of herself. This perfect Chelsea never yells or gets angry at her kids or husband, is a thoughtful and encouraging wife, and can fit everything she dreams of into a single day. Instead, the real Chelsea often gets overdone and feels like a failure while trying to live up to the imaginary Chelsea–the same exact feeling, in fact, that I get while trying to keep up with the faster runner during a race.
We all do it, though. Comparison is not something new, but maybe it is a little bit easier to do in today’s world. Even if we’re not endlessly scrolling on social media, we are bombarded daily with how to be better people, better parents, to look or feel better, or be more successful. While all of those things can be important, constantly comparing yourself to someone real or imagined will really drag you down and never leaves you satisfied, like running a race that never ends.
Recently I was reading the book called “Create Anyway, The Joy of Pursing Creativity in the Margins of Motherhood.” I had listened to a podcast about this book a few months ago, and also wrote a post about it (see here.) A friend let me borrow the book to read, and I just finished it. I’m glad I read it because I got some different takeaways than just listening to the author, Ashlee Gadd, talk about her book. Her version of “there’s always someone ______________” is different than mine, but at the heart, comparison is the same issue. Her answer? To throw glitter. Gadd says,
For all the times I’ve battled comparison, I have never once regretted being generous–with my money, my time, my likes, my shares, my comments, my praise, my encouragement. If what we feed grows, this is what I want to feed: my own capacity to celebrate others well… I desperately want to leave a trail of glitter in my wake.
– Ashlee Gadd
It’s hard to genuinely throw glitter for others at first, but being outwardly focused instead of inwardly focused is what can truly get us away from the feelings of failure and discontent we get from comparing ourselves. So, purposefully throw glitter for those faster runners, the ones who seem to have it better than you. Celebrate them! Praise the hard work they put in to run so fast! But also throw some glitter for yourself too, for the person God created you to be, exactly as you are. Fixing your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith and life, will allow your heart to genuinely throw glitter for others. He is the only one who can completely rearrange the inner workings of your heart to make you more like him, the ultimate selfless glitter-thrower.